Words Hurt

I have been bullied sense 3rd grade up to 6th grade, but i still feel bullied after going through it all. I think its worse after being bullied. But I should start from the beginning.

When I was in 3rd grade I liked someone, his name was Brock. I thought he liked me, because he asked me out, and I was in 3rd grade, everybody thought it was cool to have a so called boyfriend or girlfriend. But after he asked me out and I said yes, I figured out after he dumped me that it was all a dare and he was faking it. So I cried and he made fun of me for it. He pressured me, and called me names. Like ugly, stupid, etc… He even ran after me and pushed me to the ground and yelled at me to stay there.

He made me feel like nothing, and I practically was nothing. I didn’t have friends, I wouldn’t participate in activities, and cried in bed for hours everyday. But I never thought of dying or hurting myself, but now I do even though its over. But this continued on until 4th grade. Then in 5th grade I started to get comfortable, maybe to much because I started to be myself. I was a tom-boy, and I wasn’t girly or anything like that. They picked on me for that to. They would pretend that they thought I was a boy and then I would do something girly and they would say that they didn’t know I was a girl. This went until 6th grade. I was happy for a while because it was over, but then I lost my friends, and I had nobody to talk to. So I got depressed and thought about the horrible things that happened. But I made it worse in my mind, and started to believe the things they said. I thought I was dumb and it was wrong to be like a guy. This also made me violent in ways. I wanted to hurt people because they hurt me so I would hurt my friends without trying. I felt horrible after it happened and so I would hurt myself instead and think about killing myself, or I would wish to fall asleep and never wake up. The reasons for this is because I didn’t want to hurt anybody anymore and I thought i was stupid and worthless. I didn’t care about myself and I would punish myself because I thought I deserved it. And it sucks to look back at the past and only see bad things, sad things, nothing good ever happening. Till this day I still only see sadness. I don’t know what its like to be happy. And right now I would be fine if didn’t have to be the one to get bullied.

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2 Responses to “Words Hurt”

  1. The wrighter | April 29, 2014 at 1:22 am #

    I really appreciate your words, Mark. Thank you,

  2. hi | April 24, 2014 at 3:34 pm #

    no one deserves to be treated like this, and i know everyone says it but its true. Stay strong because there are people out there that will care about you and you will find them, just keep on looking. When they say something about you put on a smile and say thanks and walk away. It’ll help. stay strong, hurting yourself isnt the answer, understand that

    Love Always,

    Mark

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