Beautiful

My story begins long before the bullying started. When I was small, I looked just like my dad. I talked like him, acted like him, and chose to identify with his race instead of my mother’s. The only thing I had in common with my mother was how tiny I was. We were both so skinny, so she put a huge emphasis on the one thing we shared. I began to find my identity in my weight, which was constantly praised. “How’s my Skinny Minnie?” my mother would often ask. I never imagined someone would disagree with her.

In sixth grade I was told I was fat for the first time. I laughed the first time, how could anyone think I was fat? But then I was told it again. And again. I was 5’6 and barely 100 lbs, but I began to fear that I was overweight. By the time I was a freshman in high school, I was bulimic and anorexic and cut myself consistently.

In my mind, I was ugly. Fat. Worthless. And so I tried to destroy myself. I attempted suicide as a sophomore and ended up in the ICU and then went on to extensive rehab.

I am now 18 years old. I am 5’5 (yes, I shrunk an inch) and 120 lbs, and I am beautiful. That word is still incredibly hard to say, nearly 6 years after the bullying began, but I am starting to believe it. And anyone who feels this way, I guarantee that you are beautiful too.

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One Response to “Beautiful”

  1. LaDena Pluchino | December 14, 2013 at 1:54 pm #

    Beauty is not defined by how people look at you, but how you look at yourself. When I was younger, I was constantly made fun of because I had an overbite. I’m 23 now, and I have a family, a house, 2 cars and make plenty of money. Guess what those people are doing? Still working at fast food restaurants with no education. You are beautiful no matter what other people tell you!

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