Since 5th grade, I have been bullied, harassed, & scared out of going to school. People would throw things at me, call me names, post things online, spread rumors, and torment me endlessly. I asked for help from the school, but nothing was done then.
I should probably mention that I lost my dad to suicide on September 3rd, 2012. I’ve struggled with mental illnesses & such throughout my life.
People would call me names like, fat, whore, ugly, but took it to a new level when they continued it for years on end.
Now, I was told that high school is better. I went into school this year with hopes that maybe people would be kinder to me, & give me a chance to be able to get an education without the fear of going to school. I have had people post things online, start more rumors, yell things at me in the halls, and so much more. I saved what was posted online, & made sure that the people who were hearing the rumors would talk to the deans if necessary to help me.
Early this year, I had a group of boys, who were some of the same boys who bullied me throughout junior high, post more things online, and saying things in person. I was told that “no one would have cared if I had died when I attempted suicide,” and unspeakable disrespect to my dead father. They would say things like that “people only talked to me because my dad killed himself,” & if that doesn’t sound bad, it is. It was. I went to the deans, filed a report, and gave them what was posted online. There was things about me being a man that was posted, which I had to go into high school with that reputation, which is beyond embarrassing. But I was so afraid to go to lunch, walk in the halls, and go to school in general, I begged my mother on many occasions to stay home.
When I talked to the deans, as I said, I was told it “would be handled.” I was told nothing besides that, but I had hope that East’s discipline system would handle it.
Yesterday, the bullying escalated to another peak of it’s run, like it has many times before.
I haven’t gone to the cafeteria in months, because of fear I will be tormented for my weight and such. But, on Thursday, a group of girls invited me to sit with them, so I thought I would possibly be liked or accepted, finally, and maybe it would begin to get better. When I got there, they had told me to sit on the opposite side, by myself, while they whispered, laughed, gave me dirty looks, and made rude comments under their breath. I decided I wouldn’t go back, again.
Yesterday, I was hearing what the girls had actually said. It was so terrible that most people wouldn’t tell me what was said, in fear I would harm myself because the comments were that strong.
I went down during my second period class at 9:20, to talk to my counselor, Mr. Doornkat. When I arrived in his office, I was in tears, telling him I was afraid to go to school because of this bullying that has never been stopped. I am not using a metaphor when I say he laughed at me while I cried… he literally did laugh in my face & said “nothing is going to be done about this. You being bullied online and in person does NOT matter. We do not care. This is YOUR fault. Before when you gave us what they said online, when did not do anything because it did NOT matter, and it will NOT matter.” Upon this, I left his office, still in tears, without any help or care from any of the staff, let alone him.
Mrs. Hokegveen, one of the deans I have as an English teacher, found me on my way back to my class. She pulled me aside & did her best to comfort me, which was so kind of her to even care in general… compared to the disrespect of my counselor. She told me she would look into everything she could, & would do everything in her power to help me. But she wasn’t sure there was much she could do, or anyone could do.
Now, this is where I am at a loss. We continuously learn in health and in general, that bullying is wrong and if you ask for help, you will be helped. That is the opposite of what was said to me. I am afraid of going to school in general. This is not a comment towards you, but how could any adult say “we don’t care that you’re getting bullied and will not help you.” That is so unprofessional and to me, a new level of disrespect. I have tried to do the stereotypical advice that all adults give of “ignoring it,” but it does NOT ever stop. No matter what I do. I am afraid to walk in the halls, go to lunch, and go to school. How is this my fault? Why is no one helping me? This needs to stop, there needs to be an end to it.
I cannot express to you enough how upset I am sending this email. But I am mostly afraid of having to put more stress on my mother. She is a single parent, who is grieving the loss of her husband, while having to try to help her three children who this is happening to. We are picked on, sometimes, because of his suicide. Last week, a child said to my brother “the worst thing about suicide is cleaning up the walls after.” I’m a freshman, and I’m practically trying to help my two little brothers deal with this same stress of bullying that I am.
I will not be able to continue going to East if this continues. I can barley attend now. I am in so much pain, and feel so alone.
But I know, it will get better. Someday, someone will help me.