I want to share my story of being bullied, and how its changed me.

ronnie2I’ve been seeing so many things lately on bullying and finally seeing that a lot are starting to share stories about it. I’ve been starting to feel like maybe its time to share mine and come out about it. When I was 10 years old my parents moved my brother (13) and I to Florida to begin a new life. My brother was diagnosed with brain cancer when he was 11 years old and my parents decided to move us to where she grew up. When my brother and I moved to Florida our lives changed a lot. And not in a good way. I went into the 5th grade turning 11 that September I at the time had long brownish black hair and I only weighed 110 pounds. My brother was in a wheel chair but when we were in Michigan nobody ever made fun on him or teased him. We were always the popular kids in school. But that all changed on our my last year in elementary and his last year in Middle school. When I had long hair I didn’t get teased to much, but as the year went on I started getting called fat, ugly, stupid. The usual. I didn’t really let it bother me to much. Then I found out my brother was getting bullied by the students in his school as well. We were split up on different buildings across town. It was the first year that we were ever not in the same school building. He was getting called fat by teachers. He started taking it a little personal. I went to school everyday dreading it. I ended up cutting my hair into a short cut and donating it to locks of love. I remember showing up to school that day and everybody just staring and laughing and pointing. I remember the kids on the bus yelling freak, boy, idiot. I took it for a while not really letting it bother me to much. And then I started losing friends because they didn’t want to be seen with someone like me. A fat ugly girl that looks like I a boy. I hadn’t gained any weight since I had moved down here so I didn’t understand how I was getting called fat again. So! I started not eating. And when I would eat it would be at home and right after I got done. I’d go into the bathroom turn the tub water on like I was going to take a shower and I would throw my food up. I didn’t think I was doing something bad to my body. It started out I would only throw my food up twice a week and then it went to three times and next thing I knew I was doing it everyday. It got to the point where you could see my ribs and bones. in 2 months time I was only 60 pounds. When I got into middle school is when a lot seemed to notice the difference in me. I dreaded it, my brother had just moved across town again into the high school and here I was in a big school by myself. I missed my brother we use to be so close until we moved to Florida. I ended up getting into a lot of fights at school over people bullying him to me. Saying threats saying if he didn’t quit doing something they would tip him out of his wheel chair and on his head. I hated riding the middle school bus with high school kids on it. I found out my brother knew I was being bullied and laughing about it and going along with it with the high school students who were bullying me. I think that is when I went into a total shut down mode. I started hanging around at 13 I was hanging with 16-mid 20 year old’s. I started looking up to them. Started drinking and cutting myself. At first I only did it on my legs, then my stomach. They weren’t deep at first and then as time went on with my new “friends” I started to do it worse moved to my wrists and arms and neck. I don’t see how my parents never noticed it. My brother would call me a emo freak. And as you can imagine the bullying got worse. I ended up getting involved with a guy that I had become friends with through at the time my best friend James and Marshall they were brothers..They introduced me to this guy. We didn’t hit it off at first and then I got to know him. First few months were good and then they got worse. He got controlling and physically abusive. It started off with j! ust a sla! p across the face, grabbed by my arm or slam me against a wall. Then after a few months it got worse. Got to the point where he was shoving me on the ground and kicking me. Punching me. Slamming me into lockers and just wouldn’t stop hitting me. I finally started to fight back, So not only was I being bullied outside of a relationship I was being bullied inside my own relationship. I was terrified to get on that school bus every morning. Teachers at school seen what was going on. They seen the kids bullying me and leaving notes in my locker. Die freak, due yourself a favor and end it already you know its best for everyone that you do. Or meet me at the t-docks after school so I can kick your a**. I had up to maybe twelve notes a day, the teachers seen it, the principal knew. Nobody did anything. I got to the point where I didn’t care about life anymore.. So I did what everybody told me to do, I tried to kill myself. Three different times. Only thing that kept me from finishing it was thinking about what would happen to my family if they were to come in and see me dead. I was getting into fights trying to defend myself. I remember walking with my friends on the track field and we all linked our arms and were walking and a guy that 3 of us had dated ended up coming and kicking me in the stomach and knocking me down into the fence. Along with two others and then the other girl got knocked down onto the concrete. We ended up getting into a fight me and the guy. Kids stood there and watched and were cheering him on. I couldn’t understand why people wanted to do this. Why people seeing that. Finally when one of my other brothers came down from another state to visit us. I asked him to show me how to fight. And he did. I ended up getting good. I’ve put guys on the ground and am able to fight myself when needed. I got out of being bullied for a while when I got removed from the public school program and put into home schooling. Then I went onto facebook and get bullied by people who don’t even know me. For a l! ong time ! I never talked to anybody about any of this or anything that goes on in my life. But I met a guy..and he makes my world better. I wake up and I look around my room and I can hear my mom and dad yelling at each other or I go out and they are both in a bad mood. So I go back to my room knowing that when I turn that computer on I have a guy on there that I love and know makes me feel better, just knowing that i have someone who does care about me, is really the only thing that keeps me going anymore. I’ve felt like just giving up and ending it all. But then I think you quit that. Some times all you need is that one person you know cares and can keep you going through the day. We have our hard times and our fights but he means the world to me. And when I’m down and to that point of wanting to cut. I just talk to him and I know I’ll feel better. All you need is that one person. BULLYING NEEDS TO STOP. Its ruining peoples lives. I love this guy with all my heart that keeps me going. If he reads this. I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY LIFE BETTER AND KEEPING ME FOCUSED ON THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE. Ever since having someone to talk to about these things I don’t cut as much, I still slip up. Last time I slipped up was two weeks ago. When I got into a depressing stage. Life gets better. I’ve learned that. You can’t let what people say about you get you down. Look at the positive things and focus and just remember why you’ve stayed strong for so long. I let bullying ruin my life. getting involved with drug dealers and drug heads and alcoholics and abusers just because people out there wanted to bully me. I let them win. And that was stupid. People need to take a stand against and something needs to be done. I’m thankful I found a reason to keep myself going and to get out of bed everyday. And its just because I have one person who cares bout me.

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One Response to “I want to share my story of being bullied, and how its changed me.”

  1. Anonymous | November 25, 2013 at 3:00 am #

    That’s wonderful!!! Almost made me cry… That should be a book!

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