Nothing remains the same

My story takes place 18 years ago, on my first day at Preschool. I had not grown up knowing any of the other kids, I was an outcast that first day. Play time was always spent on my own… and that’s how it remained up until I entered middle school.

My short stature, somewhat awkward nature, and ethnic upbringing did not help me fit in throughout elementary school. At a time when recess and lunch were the most important times of the day, for me… they were the times I most dreaded.

Besides being picked last for everything, being picked on for my short stature, or being ridiculed for the clothes I wore… I was called annoying constantly by my peers. 18 years later, I am still impacted by that word… annoying.

I spent most of my K-6 time trying to avoid my classmates at all costs, if they could find me… they would make fun of me.

Once I entered middle school, there was suddenly a new cluster of kids that did not know about my past. They didn’t see me as the virus that my other peers perceived me as… they accepted my awkwardness and celebrated it.

Although, I wish I could say that was the end of my bullying… but unfortunately… it didn’t completely stop until I entered college. But it was then that I truly found myself, and befriended a giant collection of people that I would never have had the opportunity to know because of the cliques of my former life.

Looking back on the bullies now and seeing what they’ve become… I pity them. Many have gone on to do nothing with their lives. It seems as though for many of them, High School was the prime of their lives.

Although the impact of bullying has seemingly traumatized me for good, I have hope that one day I can think back at all of the loneliness, misery, and horror that I endured in elementary school, and not grieve for the girl who never got a chance to fit in. I know that one day, I will not double think my actions in fear of ‘annoying’ someone.

So where am I 18 years after I was told that I was a loser and couldn’t do anything with my life? That no one loved me?
I am about to receive my undergraduate degree and enter one of the top masters programs for my degree. I have a wide variety of friends who like me just the way I am.

I have found my happiness- and it doesn’t include the ones I wanted so badly to befriend… the girls and boys who bullied me.

- Sepideh

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One Response to “Nothing remains the same”

  1. Bekka | October 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm #

    Sepideh;
    You’re an amazing gal, let me just tell you that, and brave too, Bravo, and I hope everything gets better and better for you! Cause that’s were we’re all heading once out of the dark. The bullies are out of there and we’re on out way! :) <3

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