Rough Times

Ever since I was born, all I can remember is chaos. My mom and my dad married because my mom got pregnant with me. My dad never took care of me, cheated on my mom, etc. They argued all the time, and I remember screaming, crying, begging for them to stop. They split when I was four. My mom met my step-dad. I never got along with either of them. When I was in fifth grade, my uncle and real dad both sexually abused me. Between 6th-8th grade, my mom and dad both beat me and emotionally abused me. I was constantly told I wasn’t going to make it in life, what a bitch I was, etc. I started cutting and attempted suicide twice. Sometime in October 2010, I met this guy. I was 14, he was 17. I wasn’t thinking. He forced me to have sex with him. There went my virginity. He left me because he said I was a whore, and then I hadn’t lost my virginity to him. Which was a lie, because I had. In 9th grade, I found a guy. I fell in love with him. I thought we’d be together forever. That may sound silly, but anyone who’s been in love, understands what I mean. He was my best friend, my world, my everything. I continued having my mom and step dad emotionally abuse me, it dragged me down, but he helped me. The summer before my junior year (I’m a junior now), a few months back, he broke up with me. Out of no-where. It destroyed me. That was my breaking point. I started cutting again. I got admitted into the mental hospital, where I stayed for a week. They diagnosed me with severe depression, and something similar to depression where I was just naturally sad all the time. I also got diagnosed with insomnia and whenever I did sleep, I had nightmares. I’m also severely underweight, 80lbs. It’s been almost 2 1/2 months since I went there. It’s been rough. I’ve had to see my ex with other girls, I’ve had my mom tell me “I’m not the one who went to the crazy place.” I’ve got my first therapist appointment in a few weeks. I’m on anti-depressants and something to help me sleep. I’m 16 now, 17 in a few months. The story of Amanda Todd broke my heart. I have a lot of stress and responsibility, but I’m going to keep trying. I won’t give up. I want to make something of my life. I want to prove to everyone who told me that I wouldn’t make it anywhere, that I will. I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

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One Response to “Rough Times”

  1. Emily | October 24, 2012 at 3:31 am #

    Wow. I know what your going through I’m barely 13 but I’ve been through hell and back. Being abused, seeing someone you love bewing abused. I cut myself and it leaves scars and each day I look at them and think if I have these when I’m older I’ll look back at them and think instead of taking your own life, you did this and your still here.

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