I have always struggled with my weight. I was never a popular girl. I never had a lot of friends. I started getting bullied in the 6th grade by people who I thought were my friends. They would tell me all the time how fat I was and how worthless I was. In the 6th grade my ‘friends’ told me they had finally found me a boyfriend. They bought a prepaid phone and pretended for almost 3 weeks that this ‘guy’ was my boyfriend. The ‘guy’ ended the relationship by telling me how big of a whore I was and how fat I was. I was only twelve years old. I finally thought the bullied had stopped. I moved to a new town and even made some new friends, for once I was happy. Well, in the 7th grade I lost everyone who I thought was my best friend. I had one best friend left, and well, she wasn’t the best influence on me. We started hanging out a lot and she got me into drinking, not hardcore, but enough. I met a boy that same time. He was my first kiss and first love. He got me to talk dirty to him a lot, and every time after that I felt filthy. I wanted to cry. I hated myself every day for doing that. I finally started realizing what road I was going down and I promised myself I would change. Freshman year in high school I joined the dance team. I still continued drinking, and I met another boy. We were dating for a year and a half. He was really into smoking pot, and almost got me to try it with him. I lost my virginity right before my Sophomore year in high school. I had a couple pregnancy scares, too. I’ve never had an easy life at home either. I fight with my mom a lot and I don’t really have a great relationship with my dad. He has put me through A LOT! I would be lying if there were days I didn’t think that I would be better off if I weren’t here. I have cut myself a few times, and I have had a lot of suicidal thoughts. But you know what got me through it all? Knowing that it was never too late to start over. I knew I had to change. I had to better myself and start going down the right path. I stopped having sex, and I left the guy who was influencing me to have sex and all of that other stuff. I haven’t touched alcohol since July and I am promising myself I won’t do it anymore.
I see all these stories online about people getting bullied and killing themselves because people are really hurting them. The one that recently touched me the most was Amanda Todd’s story. I am not saying anything about that because I would like to respect her family in their moment of grief. But go look her story up.
I am telling you my story today, because I care. My story might not be half as bad as someone elses, but these are my struggles.
I am telling you this because I think you should know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are so many people out there willing to listen. Just because one person, or ten people are against you, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a handful of people who completely love and adore you. You are worth it. If you are feeling suicidal, please go get help. There are so many people out there willing to help you. You are loved and you are worth it.
I choose RESPECT because everyone deserves to be respected, weather you like them or not. You never know what someone is going through, and they don’t need your hurtful words to make them worse! Respect others and their feelings. Don’t be the reason someone commits suicide.